THE WAIT IS OVER, THE 1999 DARWIN'S ARE IN!!!!

The true high point of the e-mail year has arrived. Yes, it is the 1999 Darwin Awards. For those sheltered few of you who are not fully aware of the Darwin Awards; these awards are given annually (and posthumously) to those individuals who did the most for the human gene pool by removing themselves from it. A slow, but effective improvement process.

ON THE USELESSNESS OF AN EDITOR IN THE PRESENTS OF A SPELL CHEQUER

KABINDA, ZAIRE--In a move IBM offices are hailing as a major step in the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem
yesterday to crush a nut.

Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem.

MARY REESER:
A Case Study in
Spontaneous Human Combustion
----------------------------

The 1951 death of Mrs. Mary Reese of St. Petersburg, FL, who was found reduced to ashes in a practically undamaged apartment, was a landmark case of spontaneous human combustion because it was the first instance where every possible tool of modern scientific investigation was used to determine the cause of this mysterious phenomenon. Yet despite the efforts of the FBI, fire officials, arson experts, and pathologists, a year after the incident Detective Cass Burgess of the St. Petersburg police commented as follows:

by Alan Meiss

Unleash the Power of Shift!

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and
unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess
snack logs to the following experiments:

The IBM Zurich laboratory unveiled the world's fastest chip this week.
The chip, code named "Timeless", is based on high temperature super-
conductors and is capable of transferring data signals faster than the
speed of light. This makes it possible for a computer based on this
chip to produce answers before questions are asked.

This is the first issue of "The mini-Annals of Improbable Research"
published at MIT starting in 1994. It has continued to this day and
can be found at www.improbable.com where you can find the current
issue and complete archives. This was/is a hilarious view of science
and its academics.

1990 Jul 12 at 11:17 EDT

SUBJECT: IBM Ball Replacement
-----------------------------------------------------
Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field
Replacement Unit)

Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should to perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.