Actually this is just a place for my stuff, ya know? That's all, a little place for my stuff. That's all I want, that's all you need in life, is a little place for your stuff, ya know? I can see it on your table, everybody's got a little place for their stuff. This is my stuff, that's your stuff, that'll be his stuff over there. That's all you need in life, a little place for your stuff. That's all your house is: a place to keep your stuff. If you didn't have so much stuff, you wouldn't need a house. You could just walk around all the time.

A house is just a pile of stuff with a cover on it. You can see that when you're taking off in an airplane. You look down, you see everybody's got a little pile of stuff. All the little piles of stuff. And when you leave your house, you gotta lock it up. Wouldn't want somebody to come by and take some of your stuff. They always take the good stuff. They never bother with that crap you're saving. All they want is the shiny stuff. That's what your house is, a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get...more stuff!

This takes a little concentration but is worth it...
____________________________________

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100.

If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this.

The first four men -- the poorest -- would pay nothing;

the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3;

the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18.

The tenth man -- the richest -- would pay $59.

That's what they decided to do.

Now this makes sense!! Now I know what is going on! ! ! ! They have finally found a diagnosis for my condition. Hooray! ! I have recently been diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. .

This is how it goes:

Having a bad day?

Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers and face mask. A post-mortem revealed that he died, not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip off the coast some 20 miles from the forest.

The firefighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and then flown to the forest fire and emptied. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Still think you're having a bad day?

It makes sense to me!!

I have not seen anyone explain this as well as Cliff Clavin, on Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest & weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed & health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Let's say a guy named Fred is attracted to a woman named Martha. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

This is the Frequently Asked Questions list for alt.buddha.short.fat.guy.
It is posted infrequently enough to be frustrating but often enough
to be annoying. Relax. Have a cigar.

A friend writes:
>Yes, you are correct, it is annoying and it is not funny. It
>displays a profound ignorance of Buddhism and a remarkable
>insensitivity to the millions of people who practice it.

As we said, "Relax. Have a cigar." More precisely, "Mu."

Contents
Section 1. Getting Started
Section 2. The Buddha
Section 3. Buddha Nature
Section 4. El Dupree
Section 5. The a.b.s.f.g Cafeteria
Section 6. Quotes from Our Readers
Section 7. The a.b.s.f.g Banned Words List
Appendix B. Eddifying List of Doubtful and Unconditionally
Purposeless Reasons Explaining the name
Appendix D. Dupreestock

MARKET EXPERTS SAY NOW IS NO TIME TO PANIC;
TIME TO PANIC COMES NEXT TUESDAY

Market Simply Undergoing "Healthy Correction" Until Devastating Freefall

Washington, D.C. - Despite the sharp downturn in the stock market, economic and financial experts today advised investors to remain calm and continue to hold on for the long-term, which they said would end abruptly next Tuesday when a market panic wipes out 90 percent of the world's wealth.

Three beggars from Peoria arrived on Wall Street, seeking their fortune.

The first wrote "Beggar" on his tin cup. By the end of the day he received $100.

The second beggar wrote "Beggar.com" on his cup. By evening he received $500,000 and an offer from Goldman Sachs to go public on NASDAQ.

The third beggar...

As this guy was on his way to the post office to pick
up his case of free M&M's,(sent to him because he
forwarded their e-mail to five other people,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 is "MM" in
Roman numerals), when he ran into a friend whose
neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from
having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky
Fried Chicken - which is predictable, since as
everyone knows, there's no actual chicken in
Kentucky Fried Chicken, which is why the government
made them change their name to KFC.

Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.

EURO - ENGLISH

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro-English (Euro for short).

Quite a number of years ago, the Seattle Symphony was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims ... Now at this point, you must understand two things:

(1) There's quite a long segment in this symphony where the basses don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page.

(2) There used to be a tavern called Dez's 400, right across the street from the Seattle Opera House, rather favored by local musicians.

The Laws of Work

Just because most of us aren't told the laws, doesn't mean they don't exist. Ignorance of these laws is no excuse.